Addictions

zegh8578

zegh8578

Keeper of the trout
Orderite
Not really looking for advice, as much as a place to rant (that is well moderated! :V)

Addict glossary:
Hello = I need your money
No = Ask me again, and again, and again, with increasing aggression
Rehab = Vacation
Clean = Still high from previous fix - so, no worries!

This is well known, you can see it on Dr. Phil and Trainspotting
What is most notable to me, as a brother, is that it doesn't start out like that. Of course it doesn't. And I'm no prude, I've had my "partytimes", and I'll still smoke a splif, and that is kindov why he trusts me so much also. This is a trust I have no intention of breaking, even though I want to. I really want to, because he is getting way too comfortable with it, he has little problems risking me or others around him, while he is in need.
Once he is nice and high, he gets contemplative and full of regrets of course. Like all those in prison regretting whatever awful crap they've done, that they can't undo - like the fucking tens of millions of them, one after the other - none of them standing out - none of them unique.

At first, I thought it was unique - he didn't steal money from grandma or anything.
Then - he did. He actually stole all the cash from granny's purse, and left her broke for a month. He wept afterwards.

The only reason he isn't fully exploiting me, such as storing stash here and such, is that I live too far away for convenience. If it wasn't for that, he would exploit every fibre of my being, untill there was nothing left, and then he would weep a little - and move on to his next victim, like a drone.

Rehab means nothing to someone who has decided that it only represents an obstacle. He isn't even some little wannabe, he is over 30, and he even locked up the rehab-workers, practically taking them hostage, while he and some other "gangsters" rebelled the place. As soon as cops showed up, they "just-kidding"-ed, and incredibly, got off without any issues (the rehab centre took responsability... )

Ever since he was little, things were allready half tilted, me - the first born - was raised in a very strict manner. No meant no. I didn't ask for expensive stuff, or candy, or anything. As a kid "we don't have money" was a fact I knew, like the sky is blue. He was born after some turbulence, some divorce, and a big bag of not-give-a-shit, and he learned that if only he screams and screams and screams, he will get what he wants.
30 years later, his method still does not fail.
I give in too, because hey - he's bigger and heavyer than me, and he will bash my fucking face in and leave me toothless - then he will cry. So, yes, I give him what he wants.

But it is eating at me. I DO have a plan though, not so much a "plan", per se, but... something I can do, without being "the traitor"... I'm hoping he won't give me reason to, but I know he most definitely will.

Another thing is that it's not constant. In movies, it's constant cus it has to be compressed to a 2 hour format. In reality, there are so many longer periods, where I hear nothing, and begin to just assume that things are fine. I'll ask what he's up to, he will say working out. Working out is healthy.
Steroids.

Lately though, he is high - in some form or other - all the time. He thinks he is being discrete, but he even slurs when speaking. I am losing all my sympathy, little by little... and I really wish that it will turn around, before he is just another unloved junkie in prison for having killed someone for telling him "no" 3 times in a row...

(oh, and feel free to just vent yourself, if you have similar issues - or if you yourself are an addict. You don't have to reply strictly "on topic")
 
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My dad was an abussive alcoholic that beat up my mom constantly and once even went up to the roof while drunk, cut off the telephone line and said that if he attempted to get out of the house he would shoot us. My mom obviously divorced him and I don't even touch Alcohol or psychoactive drugs because one never knows if the addictive predisposition is genetic.

And that's my brief venting of my experience with addicts.

I have a friend who likes smoking weed but he is cool, he is not a junkie and he is actually a fun guy and he isn't always high (he even takes Toleerance Breaks regularly). I tend to stand stoners much more easily than Drunks.
 
Walpknut said:
My dad was an abussive alcoholic that beat up my mom constantly and once even went up to the roof while drunk, cut off the telephone line and said that if he attempted to get out of the house he would shoot us. My mom obviously divorced him and I don't even touch Alcohol or psychoactive drugs because one never knows if the addictive predisposition is genetic.

And that's my brief venting of my experience with addicts.
Click to expand...

Holy... I know there is alcohol addiction in my family, and I have always been careful not to casually drink by myself, because I know that I would be weak to it. I prefer smoking.

Walpknut said:
I have a friend who likes smoking weed but he is cool, he is not a junkie and he is actually a fun guy and he isn't always high (he even takes Toleerance Breaks regularly). I tend to stand stoners much more easily than Drunks.
Click to expand...

And yes, it is often when you know of the much-worse, that you realize stoners aren't so bad at all :D
My brother uses... well... what he can get his hands on, and there is no upper limit, so, a "hard" addict, one can safely say. The worst though, is the steroids, because it turns him into an inconsiderate asshole. Next worse is speed, for the same reason... At least with heroin, they are untrustworthy but more polite about it -.-
 
I also have so indeterminate breathing problem, is not severe or debilitating like Asthma or Rinnitis but it makes extremely sensitive to smells and smoke, so I don't like smoking either. My sister has no problem smoking tho, and she had full on Rhinitis, like she literally had to use a Inhaler when she was little, so I guess some people can just power through it.
 
Walpknut said:
My dad was an abussive alcoholic that beat up my mom constantly and once even went up to the roof while drunk, cut off the telephone line and said that if he attempted to get out of the house he would shoot us. My mom obviously divorced him and I don't even touch Alcohol or psychoactive drugs because one never knows if the addictive predisposition is genetic.

And that's my brief venting of my experience with addicts.

I have a friend who likes smoking weed but he is cool, he is not a junkie and he is actually a fun guy and he isn't always high (he even takes Toleerance Breaks regularly). I tend to stand stoners much more easily than Drunks.
Click to expand...

Looks like we have a lot in common. Is this the "share your most fucked up addiction stories?" topic? I guess my parent's trying on different occasions to kill each other is a nice enough memory. :V Oh, and there has been the one or other molesting of my sister by our Grandfather and one of our Uncles.
 
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Hit your brother in the head with a fucking toaster.
 
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I wish it would be that easy to cure it ... but my mother once pointed a gun at the forehead of my father. It didn't changed anything in the end though.
 
Sorry bout' the toaster.


Fuckin great. If only he wasn't a shitty fuckin standup.
 
Walpknut said:
My dad was an abussive alcoholic that beat up my mom constantly and once even went up to the roof while drunk, cut off the telephone line and said that if he attempted to get out of the house he would shoot us. My mom obviously divorced him and I don't even touch Alcohol or psychoactive drugs because one never knows if the addictive predisposition is genetic.

And that's my brief venting of my experience with addicts.

I have a friend who likes smoking weed but he is cool, he is not a junkie and he is actually a fun guy and he isn't always high (he even takes Toleerance Breaks regularly). I tend to stand stoners much more easily than Drunks.
Click to expand...


People can't get addicted to Marijuana. I smoke and I can attest to that. Never have I met someone that smoked weed and saw a junkie, unless they didn't just mess around with bud. Therefore, no one that smokes weed will ever or should ever come to mind when thinking or talking about addicts.
 
No idea where you got that Marijuana can't be addictive... THat's like some high grade bullshit there.
 
Walpknut said:
No idea where you got that Marijuana can't be addictive... THat's like some high grade bullshit there.
Click to expand...

It can be, but the incidence of addiction is extremely low. It's more of a mental dependence one can develop to it much like how some get addicted to video games/TV/whatever.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-truth-about-pot/

"The researchers found that of those who had tried marijuana at least once, about 9 percent eventually fit a diagnosis of cannabis dependence. The corresponding figure for alcohol was 15 percent; for cocaine, 17 percent; for heroin, 23 percent; and for nicotine, 32 percent. So although marijuana may be addictive for some, 91 percent of those who try it do not get hooked. Further, marijuana is less addictive than many other legal and illegal drugs."
 
Considering how the term pothead has made it's way into pop culture I would say it is not something that isn't worth mentioning. It can have serious effects on people.

No one of us here has really compared Marijuana with the dangers of crack or heroin or the likes, I personaly would gladily like to see Marijuana becoming actually legal to own and consume just like Tobacco or Alcohol. Infact it might be less of a problem than Alcohol, depending on the way how alcoholics and those consuming a lot of Marijuana act in general, but it still can have serious effects on the live of many people, particularly their behaviour just like and other serious addiction. If they can't controll their habits. Saying that Marijuana is not a problem for people is like claiming that alcohol addictions are not worth mentioning. Both can be dangerous drugs in their own ways.
 
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Weed causes what many teens brush off as "merely" psychological reliance. It's nothing compared to hard withdrawal, but I guess it's a bit like nicotine. A lot of people need it to sleep, or to mellow out, or to de-stress, and then it becomes a habit and a routine. Again, not comparable to stealing car stereos to keep a habit, and one can extend the comparison further - to include for example food reliances, comfort-eating and such.
 
Well I even said I rather be around stoners than alcoholics. At least a stoner won't puke on the carpet or pull out a gun on me, unless they are violent people on their own.

More alcoholic stories:

My nephew's dad became a hard alcoholic after spending a couple of weeks with my aunt and her husband, which themselves are alcoholics. The usual happened, that dude wasn't as violent as my dad to do the shit he pulled but he still became a rather shitty person, with time he just grew to be a completely absent parent (and the fucker is the kind of guy that when election come he just flaunts about how responsible he is for voting for neo conservatives and how he actually cares about the country on his facebook, he is a piece of shit) so now I am basically my Nephew's father figure, it's kind of a weird thing, I am only 10 years older than him and I basically have a father son dynamic with him. I feel really sad when I think back on it, my nephew grew up without a dad but also knowing that the only reason he did was because his dad couldn't give less of a shit about him, I hope he doesn't end up falling to the same shit other members of the family have.
 
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Im not addicted to anything. TOday i actually the first day I drank more than a single bottle or glass of beer. Corona is pretty good, with some lime, but I prefer tea. If there's one thing I'm good at it's criticising myself. My head is filled with moments in spacetime where the romantic image of a normal me does not line up with what I said or did. I'm the guy who doesnt notice you're trying to give me a fistbump. I'm the guy who asks what you were saying twice in a row and then pretends I finally understood. I'm the guy who forgets your name. I'm the guy who forgets to say hi but NOW IT'S TOO LATE, IT'S AWKWARD NOW, DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, I'M WALKING AWAY.

I definitely have a dependance for this computer though. I read somewhere that people have fewer friends than we did. . I dunno, 30 years ago? It's obvious how, since our free time is filled up with so much wondrous technology now. I have two friends. My brother, and a young guy my mom used to babysit. I knew him from birth. Sometimes we hang out. Lately less. We leave earlier, communicate less outside of it. You think of possibilities all the time when your life isn't as you want it to be, or you haven't fulfilled any ambition? Sometimes I think, maybe I should try to be a writer. I'm always so picky about the stories I encounter, why not make my own? And then when I drop the idea, I figure a lack of life experience might be part of the reason.

My parents never abused me, always loved me, never got bullied much, never even broke a single bone, never lost someone dear to me. ANd I blame myself. I'm so fucking insecure and lonely and sad and blabla angst. Why? I don't deserve to complain. First world problems man. The parents provide for me and I've received thousands in inheritance.

I'm only typing this story because I want to convey the pity I feel for myself. Paint a pitiful picture. Get some sympathy that won't help. I don't need help, but also, I do? I get different kinds of help all the time. Psychologists, a social worker, the parents, pity parties with a steam chat buddy. I don't listen to them, I listen to myself talk. I know myself pretty well.

I've been pretty fortunate in my life, and yet I've always acted as though I'm not. I wonder, had I been coddled less, faced more adversity, would I have found more purpose in life, earlier? Would I have been less of an indecisive self-loathing type? QUestions, questions, that's what I'm good at. Overthinking things. Never answering my own questions. I get called smart, I feel like an idiot, and I feel like a genius compred to the people I know, and I hate myself for being so arrogant and angsty. I hate myself and yet I love myself way too much. I'm good at overthinking and I'm good at going for the path of least resistance. I never figured anything out past the day I was in. Never even considered having to work or build a career, even academically. I was too busy figuring out how the hell I'm going to get through a social situation without ONLY remembering what went WRONG.

I didn't go celebrate with the company we had over for my dad's 60th birthday party even though he said he'd feel bad if I secluded myself, because it's a crowd of people either not talking to me or asking me things I don't know how to answer resulting in me regretting every answer. My young friend came over to watch akira and I HAD to reenact the "You son of a bitch" scene from predator because he loves schwarzenegger and I can win approval by being the reference guy even though t he thought never crossed my mind I just need to say HELLO. Yo. bro. whatsup. how are you. Why did I say HUNGRY? THIRSTY? HMM? Instead of "want a drink?". Why did I invite him over even though I live in my parents house and I'm always inferior as long as that is so but I can't get a job, who would hire me, so I don't even try, so why should I be allowed to even make friends, If I'M no good? I NEED to s traighten myself out. Everything needs to be the result of the smartest attitude because I Desperetaly need to be told I'm smart and definitely NOT awkward. But I NEED friends, but I can't FIND them, and this whole post is an error because the thread was never about any of this, and IT's going on way too long.

I smoked once, the experience led me to abandon cigarettes as a concept.

Weed seems. . unnecessary.

Hard drugs seem idiotic.

I had a corona today.

I think I may have social anxiety?

Summer is here. I'll see how long I can last before I get depressed cooked up in here, looking for any excuse to get out and not thinking of any.

Being who I am is wrong, but I wouldn't want to be anyone else, I need to do things, but I won't.

Am I a wimp with no real problems in his life compared to people who's parents abused them or have to deal with the poor life choices of a loved one?

I'm the guy who just masturbated to porn of a kid's cartoon and is sitting in his undies sticking to a chair from sweating from this hot as balls weather.

I'm so self obsessed I'm re-reading this post a second time. I'm so interesting. I'm so autistic I can't even make friends on the internet.
 
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We all need a place to vent. That's the good thing about the internet.
I also suffer from social anxiety and I am an extreme Introvert since I was a child, very recently I realized I also suffer from depression regularly and some manic episodes altho nothing that needs medication, befor thought I was just an emo teenager but Uni thaught me otherwise. I used to be kind of a doormat until a couple of years ago, now I am an asshat that cuts people off from his life with relative dettachment if they did enough shit to me. I don't know if that is a good development or a bad one. I am curious about psychodelic drugs but I am still very much on the fence on trying them at all, even if Acid is technically a non addictive drug the thought that has kept me from alcohol still lingers when thinking about it.
 
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