Fallout 5 shitpost thread with a stupid title

SarcasticGoodGuy

*R O T T E N*
It's been nearly a year since Toddie blessed us with the best RPG since Skyrim, and as the set of DLC has (unfortunately) finished, I think it's a time to look forward for the future of Bethesda's wasteland series.

Here is my: Fallout 5 speculation.

Fallout 5 : quests in New York

The Plot:
You're living peacefully in Vault 3012 until the air conditioning breaks. What seems like a simple problem develops into something much more when all of the generic Vault dweller NPCs start commenting on how stuffy it is- and your uncle goes missing. And so starts your journey - to find the parts to craft a new air conditioning system. As you emerge from the Vault you encounter 3 members of rival factions fighting. These 3 factions are the "New New York Republic", the "Bad Guy Legion" and "Dr. Hotel's radiant squad." I'm no writer but I bet Emil could make them into the deep, complex, riveting grey factions that were in Fallout 4. Mid way through the game you find your uncle voiced by Tom Cruise and he sacrifices himself to set off a giant bomb to kill all super mutants. At the end of the game you fix your vault's AC with the help of one of the factions, but then have to kill the rest of the other two factions (all 600 previously essential NPCs!! It will be a hard fight, make sure to bring your gun!!! Don't! Leave it! At!! Home!!!!!!!!!!) There is, however, a peaceful option- that only requires committing mass genocide on one of the factions to scare away the other 1.

The graphics:
They will be acceptable for a Bethesda game. It will use the Gamebryo engine (hey Diamond City was an actual city, and it was very impressive).

Gameplay:
Here are where risks are taken. There is only one gun, the "pipe assault rifle" which was a prototype survivalist gun created before the war by the Brotherhood of Steel (who aren't a main faction because Bethesda games never reuse plots). Settlements are included, and because NY is a big place there are no settlements already built- you have to do it yourself. Vehicles will be included much like the Automatron robots, and you can modify each one.

edit:
Customization:
There are no skills or traits. And SPECIAL has been reduced to SLS (stamina, looting, shooting). But there are 340 new hairstyles to accommodate for this. And your robot butler can say up to 5600 names, including but not limited to : Paul, Fucker, Toddboi, Hillary, Semen, Large black man that likes to penetrate middle aged caucasian females, M'aiq, Emil, Petey, CT Phillips and Saracastic plastic.

DLC:
Deceased Currency - initiate a heist with 3 other sarcastic good guys to steal ammunition to shoot things with $24.99
Call of Zion : Tribal Warfare - have a big fight with lots of raiders $3.99
Old World Furniture - unlock pre-war furniture items $19.99
Fun Runner's Arsenal - different decorations for your guns and paddle balls $9.99


What do you guys think? If you want more speculation comment below and ask for ideas. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I understand the Fallout franchise and am amazing at speculation (this one time my friend rolled a dice and I said "yo dude I bet it will land on a 5" but it didn't so I went "well next time it will land on a 5" and it did so I was like "yeah!" - OK this part was a lie I don't really have friends ;()

@CT Phillips liked that
 
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Fallout Alchemy

Ingredients to making Fallout
Parent/Child
Settlement managment
BOS
Nuka Cola everywhere
50s
Picking locks
Terminals
Shootin' stuff
Games within games within games that all do the same thing
Butcher Pete
Fallout 4
Bethesda
Dogmeat
Ghoul
Super mutant
Corvega
Raiders
Fatman
Perks
Add additional keywords where suited.
Do not add substance.
Do not add Skills
Do not Add traits
Do not add reputation
Do not add karma
Do not add requirements
Do not add checks
Put in bag
Drop on top of Skyrim Engine or ES6 Engine

Fallout 3 3 aka Fallout 5
 
Weirdly, I would hate the idea of playing in New York and pray Bethesda doesn't do that.

Albeit, Statue of Liberty town could be cool.
 
I imagine that Fallout 5 won't even have any of that. I imagine Bethesda will simply sell boxes with the label Fallout 5 on it. Inside is a big red button with a USB cable in it.

Once you plug it in, it reveals a single installation file. Installing it reveals the title screen of Fallout 5 that tells you to press the button.

Once you do, the screen changes to the credits and the final words are "Congratulations for winning Fallout 5! Send us money now so that we can start making Fallout 6: Empty Box!"

I'll be laughing at you from my sweet-sweet Moonpad.
Yeah, you can stay up there while the grown ups consider the natural progression of Fallout under Bethesda.
 
Fallout 5 will actually be called:
FALLOUT
All capitals there. That is my prediction :nod:.
 
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