Einhanderc7
Vat dipped, grown and still oozing with perfection
Hello everyone,
I'm quite certain many of you intend to run amok for New Years, so I decided to post a good old fashioned salty sailor safety stand down for the benefit of everyone. For those unfamiliar with the indiscretions of the fine sailors of the United States Navy just let me say one word.
Debauchery!
So to ensure everyone is "safe" this new years I have a short outline to keep ye scallywags out of harms way.
- Don't drink and drive, it's remedial I know but one of you are going to risk it when hammered so I have to say it anyways.
- Use the buddy system! The buddy system isn't just for elementary kids, its for drunken fools too! Besides when you're plastered it's better to have someone around to take pictures of all the stupid stuff you might engage in such as public nudity, the jettison of bodily fluids from (name an orifice), fighting, bizarre arguments, and assistance standing up or acting sober when needed.
- No means no, I don't care if he/she/it/squid/waifu/godzilla/motherhen/wild animal/shrubbery declares it as a joke/doesn't mean it. If a no wizzes past assume it's a missed shot from a sniper and take cover. If you're a guy you have to be extra careful simply because women hold all the cards on this one.
- If you're down to clown then you're down to wrap it up. If engaging in some drunken hanky panky ensure your diver is properly suited to dive the in the ocean. If he surfaces for air with the bends then the only one to blame is you for failing to ensure he was wearing the proper protective equipment.
- Watch your damned drinks! If you leave a drink unattended, then that's not your drink get a new one. A lot of people fall victim to the terrible roofie fairy during times like these. Keep in mind that the roofie fairy doesn't discriminate so no matter who you are you too can fall victim. Keep an eye on your drinks, have your TRUSTED friends watch your drinks, and if you lose positive control of your drink get a new one.
- If you encounter the cops remember at that point in time you have just become a law abiding innocent sober white person minding your own business. Talk in that manner, listen to the officer, and do what they say. Don't argue or fight them about anything. Yes they ruin the vibe, but if you can't parlay then you going to jail.
- Don't snitch, if you see something wrong going on just leave. Ain't your problem, your not an authority, and getting mixed up in something that could possibly rope you into it isn't worth it. So if you see someone hacking someone to pieces just walk far, far away and party on somewhere else. Don't be a blue falcon!
- Wear nice clothes that you don't care if they end up with a technicolor yawn on them. 1/4 of people partying on New Years will either blow chunks on themselves or someone will on them. So look nice, but not too nice. Besides wearing a nice tailored suit and winding up with a stomach stain on them is grounds for a fight.
- Know when to throw down, and when not to. Are you up against a single person, or a group? Are you in a group? Is this person a police officer? Assess the situation, knock out those you have to while leaving the untouchables alone. Try not to go looking for a fight.
- If you plan on getting college white girl wasted, see point 2. However if I may make a suggestion, moderation. I know that doesn't sound like fun, but that's not the moderation I'm talking about. Start out slow then ramp up at a reasonable hour. Getting sloshed immediately at a party and becoming "that person" is not a good plan of action. If you're drinking hard shit like moonshine or ever clear remember to sip, not gulp, nor chug. To those that fail at understanding this point you will royally fuck up your liver trying to power the hard shit to your face. You will lose 100% of the time.
- Shenanigans and hoopla. If you plan on running about like a dumbass getting yourself and others into trouble then stay the fuck home. When alcohol is involved that means its an adult night out, not a night to babysit some entitled dumb shit sheltered from reality. Goofing around is fun, until someone goes too far.
- Don't fuck with veterans and active duty. These fucking idiots are just looking to fuck up someone's night. Buy them a drink show some respect, and leave them alone. If they start getting grumpy leave. 7/10 times the cops will side with them, so don't be on the losing side. (1/10 times if near a military facility, the cops in those areas are used to them.)
So to conclude my safety stand down, go out, have fun, and don't fuck up.
Happy new year!
