Corrupt a wish

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T

The lone wanderer

First time out of the vault
This is a fun forum-game, give it a try.

The point is simple, someone wishes something, you reply making it blow up in there face, then post your own wish.

Ex:

Poster one: I wish i had a million dollars.

Poster two: Granted, but now everyone is jealous and you have been shot.

I wish poster one wasnt so greedy.

Let's start: I wish I had a time machine.
 
Granted, but each use of it causes such stress on the space-time continuum that it extensively damages the timestream, making it impossible to ever return to the timeline you just left or for any timeline closely resembling it to occur. Hairline fractures the machine causes in the fabric of spacetime will always subtly warp things on a fundamental level so that it is utterly impossible to determine how the "new" present will unfold.

In short, you've got your time machine, but you can never return to your present and you can't use it to reliably determine the future, or even to know what'll happen when you travel into the past. Congratulations, drifter.

I wish I knew all the secrets of physics that science has thus far been unable to discover.

Edit: changed my wish while Per was answering, so now it's been changed back.

Edit Edit: Oh God, feedback loop! What have you done, Per?
 
Yamu said:
I wish I knew all the secrets of physics that science has thus far been unable to discover.
Click to expand...

Granted. They find you giggling and gurgling in your basement, where you've scribbled the words "IT SEES US WHEN WE'RE SLEEPING" all across the walls in your own blood.

Edit: Also that time machine stuff happens to you after you try to go back in time and change your wish.

Edit edit: After you change history back everything seems to be mostly the same as it was, except bottle glass is usually red instead of green and Brits drive on the right.

I wish Van Buren would get developed and published.
 
Granted, but ultimately it's so shitty interplay dumps fallout online to recouperate their losses.


I wish I had an actual transformer.
 
Granted, but it goes crazy and kills you

I wish that climate change would be fixed
 
Granted, but then the sun explodes and we all die. THANKS ALOT SABIRAH!!!


I wish I had unlimited wishes that can be granted at any time in any place for anything
 
You can, but everyone on earth dissapears so you can't share that with anybody.

I wish my Husband had the same voice and appearance as Anderson Cooper.
 
Granted, but when you find out what the answer is you refuse to believe it and wish for something else. Later you realize you were wrong and spend the rest of your life regretting your wasted wish.

I wish the aroma of my flatulence made me irresistibly attractive to beautiful young women.
 
Granted, but due to overall sexual activity that is a consequence of your aroma and its effects, you prized manhood is severely damaged...so much that it is beyond repair. You remain impotent.

I wish that I could turn invisible whenever I wanted to. (yeah, very original)
 
you can, but you can't see when you are invisible.


I wish Hindus and Muslims could co exist peacefully
 
Granted, but it causes a cosmic imbalance that was kept by extremely religious people not coexisting and Azatoth awakens and destroys the universe.

I wish to be an energy being.
 
Granted, but as such a phenomenal being you're captured by means unknown and used the best way possible - to power random girl's iPhone.

I wish that in less than 500 years my great-great-grandchild was a pure, intelligent machine soaring through cosmos aware of its ancestors and proud of its origins, free of organic restraints and demands of Earth's gravity, atmosphere and any form of nourishment.
 
Granted, but your proud great-great-grandchild is also eternally bored and depressed with all the empty space.

I wish for an end to spam threads.
 
Granted, but the world lives in peace and all law enforcement officers and militaries are now unemployed and the severe spike in unemployment throughout the world crashes the global economy and that's terrible

I wish I could live free of emotion. Nothing but the six senses acting uninhibited to their full potential
 
Granted. You become a sociopathic killer and lose all your friends

I wish I had a child
 
Granted. It later goes back to 2011 and assumes the name Rick Perry andruns for president


I wish my neighbors would stop having sex. Seriously, they've been at it for hours
 
Granted, but they only stop because they are butchering you.

I wish I had a million bucks.
 
Granted, but car runs over you and people take all that money from your pockets.

I wish I had several copies of all essential DnD 4th edition books on my table. Then I wouldn't have to struggle with damned pdf files and googling.
Or I could wish I just hadn't forgotten DMing.
 
Granted, but Wizards of the Coast moves on to 5th Edition and it's so vastly superior to fourth that you can't get a single person interested in playing your game.

I wish that people would stop screwing like rabbits and live with an eye towards diminishing the overpopulation problem.
 
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