Help me with my lyrics.

Wasteland Rat

First time out of the vault
Inspired by "Fallout" I wrote some lyrics. The problem is that I'm from Russia :) So I'm not sure it's correct. I would be pleased if somebody experienced check it out.
So here it is:

01. The Legend Of Forever Cursed

Two raging hordes on battlefield
The sky was like a broken shield
The clouds were torn by scorching sun
So battle was begun

Oldmen touched buttons with their hands -
And spears of fire hit the lands
Where mushroom clouds began to spread
The Spores of the Dead

People wage
Wars that never will change
Devastating the Earth
People die
They can't understand why
They are Forever Cursed

Those doomed two hordes soon left this lands
Cursed button touchers lost their hands
As well as souls they all are gone
We see the lonely sun.

People wage
Wars that never will change
Devastating the Earth
People die
They can't understand why
They are Forever Cursed



02. Forgotten Name. Part I.

Is that truth or just a dream?
Wasteland helps me to see him
On the path he will choose our fate depends
No tries, no second chance

He was born to be heroic one
What a contrast to what he has come!
Just a warrior of wasted lands
Can he carry the future on his hands?

Please, stop the selfdestruction of the World
Bring hope to people as it was foretold!
Don't sacrifice the future of the World
Bring life to wastelands as it was foretold!

He calls himself Wasteland Rat
Does he need the gifts he get?
Fire in his eyes is fading like a wraith
But fadeless is our faith!

We call you to turn the Wheel of Fate
Roles aren't chosen but the stage is set
Look at what the planet has become
Be the Saviour, be the Chosen One!

The Earth is dying slowly, the silence comes
You have free will, it's time to choose your path!
The World is dying slowly, the darkness comes
Revie your soul, it's time to choose your path!

He was named the Chosen One
But his mission was not done
While he still forsakes his own name
We will share the giant blame
Forgotten Name...



03. The Truth That Frightens Me

I asked the sky about my fear
The air is silent but I hear
The Voices of Winds. They say:"You, shy!"
The World is changed and so do I

Those
Who created the sun
Did not mind what was done
Through the flesh I can see
The truth that frightens me
People torture the Earth
To
Get rid of their own dearth
One more hero will fight
With Nature to delight
Them

Save me from the Future, bring me to the Past
When all were so young and the time did not go so fast
I should take the wisdom of the ancient world
To obtain the freedom
For all

But it's unreal. It is too late
His power increases with my hate
This man corrupts all that I see
He laughs at truth that frightens me

Soon the Earth will arise
Against us, and his eyes
Are reflecting Her pain
I know he is insane
For the whole life again
I ought to slay this man
One more hero will die
I hear his last sigh...

Changes are cyclic, the truth is the same
You can't win 'cos life is not a game
But still nobody can tell me why
You have such a desire


04. Forgotten Name. Part II.

Things in my mind
I've almost forgotten
Make me feel something was wrong
With one of a kind
Of men becoming heroes...
He was as harmful as I was strong

The Wasteland got inside me
Frustrating my soul mildly
But even Wasteland was not dead
Death was the game he came for
Awaking my tormentor
The Phantom deep inside my head
Forgotten Name

Keeper of fate
It always was with me
Leading me back to my role
Forbidden gate
Of Destiny's Kingdom...
Why can we just look into it's keyhole?

Was I condemned to judge and kill
Or was it made at my will?
Anyway the Wheel of Fate must turn
True name's the thing you can't defy
And even when we all die
I know the Phantom will return
Forgotten Name

Those who tried
To get closer to sunlight
Lost their sight
Noone could be redeemed
Things you die
For, ideas you live for
I denied
To protect all your dreams
 
I'm confused! Is everything all right with the grammar? Or is it banal, uninteresting, disgusting? Whatever it was I NEED you to express your impression of it!
 
Well, I'm from Russia, too. As for me, I enjoyed your lyrics! A very good combination of deep thoughts, feelings and rhythm. By the way, how much did it take you to compose it?
 
You've almost corrected my "little hope" to "no hope" :)
(c)JRRT

Thanks, Rusty Chopper, for your reply!

By the way, how much did it take you to compose it?
It's hard to say. The first was "The Truth..." ("One More Hero" originally). I "composed" it between June and August of 2004. On February I started to work on "Part II". And I'm still working on it and on another (final) song :)
 
Wasteland Rat said:
You've almost corrected my "little hope" to "no hope" :)
(c)JRRT
Hehe. The only dude who managed to answer, was of no use. Funny, indeed.
Writing poetry is a hard work. But the result, I beleve, is worth doing it! I wish you inexhaustible inspiration! Good luck!
 
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