I Need Your Help, Personally, Quickly, and Desperately

[The Vault Dweller]

Preface:

I have to warn you. This topic is going to be long, complicated, and have some very high "trolling/derailing" potential. Also I'm asking you to read it for my sake and not out of personal interest (although some of you might find it interesting).

I have had three separate issues on my mind that are eating away at me. Although one has been there for years and one is a year old while another is a few months two of the issues are "dated" in that the sooner I resolve them the better the outcome. With this I beg you to help me and soon if you can.

Also there are three separate issues in this topic. Although you may not be able to comment on one you might be able to on another so I will be listing them all in the beginning and also clearly denoting which sections applies to what as well as specific questions from myself to the reader. For easy navigation topics are colored so you can skip to one that you think you understand and skip those that don't and questions are in bold so you can refer to them after reading all he data to get an idea of what this is about.

Introduction:

I have always made decisions on my own. Ideally if a decision is to effect you personally then you should be the one to make it and also whatever a persons plans are they require research and that in itself should allow enough knowledge to decide.

However there are some things which are "removed" from normal life either, because of cultural taboos or distant circumstances such that they can't really be researched. That is except in consulting another person.

That's why I'm making this topic.

Of course any knowledge from one person is altered by opinion which is why it should be avoided whenever possible.

That's why I've put this off for months. In some ways years.

So I need your help...

The topics:

1. Romantic Relationships
2. Military Service
3. A Certain Religious Vow

Here goes...

Issue 1: Romantic Relationships

I have never had a relationship or sex. I've also had no problem with this since most of the past eight years (I'm 27) I've had no time from college (which I was in half the time) and always never enough money (either working part time due to being in college or full time when not in college, but having to save for college). I realize that besides being ready for relationships also that at this time many people my age are already taken limiting my prospects.

I'm wondering if I should even try?

Why you ask would I not? Well...I've noticed a lot of things in the previous years of my life as someone who can observe, but not take part in things.

-Peoples emotions are like a rollercoaster in relationships. One day acting like they're in heaven the next wanting to kill themselves. I am not an emotional person and hate such extremes. Of course perhaps that just means I'll deal with it differently. Is this true? Do people mind if there lover isn't emotionally active? (although acting right and nice in every aspect)

-Gifts and outings are expensive. People often spend $50 a week on such things and I spend around $100 a month total on "fun" that is things not necessary and not saved for college/eventually buying a house when I'm really old. I'm aware that a good relationship could eventually lead to marriage which offers a large tax discount, but I don't think it's honest to do something just for a government benefit. Just how much can I expect to pay? Does a difference in income make that much of a difference?

-I'm aware people take advantage of each other often. I'm probably too kind and would attract someone terrible without realizing it. How often do such things happen and how easily can they be broken up with? I'm also aware women can threaten men by claiming they've been raped and get away with it easily. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but in an untold "Relationship Hilarity" story that wasn't the "good" kind someone tried to force me into a relationship by threatening to claim I was a "sexual predator" if I didn't go out with them. I figured since not only being innocent, but actually being totally uninvolved that it wouldn't work and surely enough I ignored her and she never complained. How often does that happen?

-Growing up I was considered very ugly. I had (and still have) multiple moles on my face and a few on each limb spread out randomly. Most people have none and such a high number always made me stand out wrong. I was also a bit chubby. That was eight years ago though and now I'm considered a bit thin and somewhat muscled (I exercise an hour three times a week). Ironically people now seem to consider my moles some sort of foreign beauty mark. You'd think this would be a good thing, but it has the opposite effect on me. I'm the same person I was before regardless of how greatly or lowly I'm looked upon. As far as I'm concerned I'd say everyone is just shallow. The problem is...how many people actually only care about that or don't, but only have that as the way to make a pass at someone?

-I intend not to have sex casually. In fact I'd pretty strongly prefer to wait until after I'm married. This should mean I could easily find someone within the confines of organized religion (for me a church), but I've found most deeply religious people to often be very hateful and almost always very bigoted. I find that not only undesirable, but just plain wrong. My question is how likely if a person were to date someone of no particular faith that they wouldn't be bothered by their partners chastity?

-How many people do you get to know before you get a strong, stable relationship? Believe it or not I'm so bothered by the money and time potentially in this that if it were to take like ten or more tries over a few years I'd rather not bother. With that time and money I could pursue my Masters degree (I have a Bachelors in Biology though sadly it won't land me a job in the year long I've looked) or be close to buying a home which is my next goal married or not. You might think that in all the time I've waited to complete college I'd be patient about finding a spouse, but with the fact that my education so far has failed me I can't bear with the fact of wasting another huge amount of time and money unless I'm certain it will work.

Ultimately could I and should I start looking for a significant other taking into account all the conflicts above? Please note that I have a person who I not only think is excellent, but I have known long enough to be sure their behavior isn't fake and is totally genuine. However I've know her for over a year and I fear the longer I wait the more likely I won't have a chance.

Of course this could all be irrelevant if I end up overseas, because...

Issue 2: Military Service

A long time ago in 2002 when I graduated from High School and was ready to start college I considered joining Americas armed forces. The war on terror had just started then. I wanted to be of some sort of aid to my country and also the benefits and pay looked great. I did worry about what combat would entail and also that upon returning I might not be able to get around to college (time backed then seemed short though now it seems long). Ultimately I (mistakenly) figured that no matter my conviction or work ethic that they could only accept or pass people of excellent physical condition. Now I was (and am now) not suffering from any disabilities nor do I even smoke or drink alcohol, but I had no experience with exercise or sports. Assuming I'd just fail in boot camp I figured it was for the best not to enlist and leave them short one man after being rejected besides me feeling ashamed for having failed something.

A few years ago I met more than a few veterans having returned from the war and going to my college. Although not on active duty they could have been sent back (recalled?) to active duty at some point. I found this strange, because...well they aren't athletic. In fact some were just plain fat.

Coincidentally in a separate circumstance I've heard they "changed" the requirements for enlistment and difficulty of training. Maybe I am capable of passing? I mean I'm 235 pounds which at 5'11" isn't overweight at all.

Knowing that I could have joined long ago if I looked up all the information instead of going on my limited I wasn't going to make that mistake again. I looked up everything I could which is on official websites and it looks like I probably could. I'm a bit worried about the eyesight specifics (no worse than 70/20 and I'm right around that) also my age of 27 (it says up to 32 years old, but I think that might be just for returning veterans that would be given desk jobs and don't need to re-take training).

I do want to hear from the veterans on here (TorontRayne, CaribFMJ, and if I can contact him Elissar) if there's anything I don't know about that I should. While I will read anyone's opinion I'm only really going to give weight to those that have already served. Although I'm certain I should join I just want to know if I can legitimately pass training in my condition? This also includes mental conditioning which while I'm certain I lack I can't imagine with the vast population of the USA that everyone is ready and that instead they learn it along the way.

Also I strongly suspect that following this route will disable the first route Romantic Relationships since I'll be too busy for that and while I know lots of service people have family waiting for them I really don't want to start something unless I can give it my best (all-or-nothing personality trait) so I'd have to wait until my service is over which if it's (at least) four years will make me 32 at which point the chance of finding someone is so much lower (and at this point it's already a lot lower) I wouldn't bother. Could I be wrong about this though? I hear so much about people that got married while in service and remained faithful yet also about the distance taking such a toll on the relationship that it ended terribly and often with one party losing or gaining lots of assets. Take note that the woman I will most likely end up with should I choose the first option is already older than me and definitely wouldn't wait for me as we've already known one another a long time.

Also if you get tested and turned down how long do you have to wait to try again?

The hardest part about convincing myself I should enlist was getting around the whole conflict between faith and possibly having to kill. I'm well aware God is against having to kill, but if it wasn't for that I wouldn't be able to practice a belief in God to begin with (or at the least not choose it on my own). Which brings me to my next topic...

Issue 3: A Certain Religious Vow

Now it's been quite easy avoiding relationships up until considering them now. As much as I would like companionship (and possibly sex) I'm comfortable being alone (grew up shy although It's not a problem now) and I'm too needy financially to carry the burden. Of course when society has such norms where everyone is supposed to have a significant other I felt like I needed another and stronger reason. I decide I was being celibate. Granted I figured this was just until marriage and not for life (as some religious practitioners of various faiths do).

At some point in the past I considered making it an official religious vow and not simply a personal decision guided partly by righteous reasoning. I figured it would at least allow me a blunt explanation for not being socially involved and also since religion is a "sensitive" issue for most Americans and people always feign neutrality to avoid conflict.

In fact although it takes a whole different path of schooling (of which I have none) if I really wanted to I could become a priest. As such a moderate it probably would be hard to be accepted, but I think religious leaders are always creating conflict where it shouldn't exist.

Now I admit the chances of this happening are very low, but the facts within this choice are intriguing.

-My parents were both quite religious "in behavior", but they never spoke about it out loud. In fact both were not only tolerant, but welcoming to people they met of other faiths.

-I had a great friend that while he was never openly hostile to me he did have a different church (you can tell I'm leaving the denomination unmentioned). Attempts to get me to change were bad enough to drive somewhat of a rift between us. We were best friends too for years.

-When I was in the boy scouts my troop was run out of one of the local churches. Unfortunately although nothing was claimed to be specific to that organization every one there was of that faith. I earned more merit badges in less time than all of them, but I eventually figured out after a long time that everyone's "tension" toward me was for something other than being new.

-I never drink alcohol. I do believe that it's a personal decision what you decide to put in your body unfortunately this appeared to be a religious edict to many people. A lot of people in one of the places I lived believed I was muslim and I unsettled a lot of people.

-At one point I had a person whom I'm certain was Jewish spend a few minutes berating me about how his faith would rule the world someday and I was only put here to service him. I'm pretty sure the assumption then was that I was muslim.

-The area I live in has a decent proportion of African-Americans. At one point when I had normal hair I noticed that about half of them were very hostile towards me while the other half wasn't. After allowing my hair to grow long this switched quickly and totally. I later found out most people figured I was half-black and half-white and apparently growing my hair was some sort of mark of culture which half was trying to keep (those with dreadlocks or those muslim caps) and the other half was trying drop. Some of them even referred to me as "brother". I never spoke for or against anything with reference to who I was.

-While I had previously lived in a "younger" American area that had various peoples in one church, but of the same faith I currently live in an "older" American area that was quick to establish (by choice mostly) segregation of ethnicity along with race and religion. I attempted to attend church and found everyone to be extremely alike and the hostility was palpable.

Now I realize a lot of people on this board are not religious and those that are would probably be very secluded in their idealogy. Nevertheless this community is huge and old so I hope for an exception. Has anyone here done religious service? Does it end up enabling or preventing the behavior as seen above?

I realize with such specific beliefs on my end and my apparently good conviction that I probably don't need to take any special vow or join any organization, but also I can't help to think it would make it better. I just don't know if it would make it worse. Unfortunate that faith is such a private topic in America, but then again if everyone were more vocal...there would be a lot more screaming.

Summary:

Of the topics above what am I capable of and not capable of? If multiple are possible which should I pick assuming one prevents the others? If multiple are possible which ones?

The longer I wait the more likely I won't be available for military service due to age or not able to have a relationship as the woman in mind may move on and the path of vows is long enough to run out before I die possibly. I know I waited forever to finally start asking, but now that I have I'm anxious to end it.

I apologize for the length of time it took you to read this and the effort you will no doubt put into answering it all (of what you possess knowledge on). You are a kind and patient soul and cannot thank you enough.

Very Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

 

[Hassknecht]

On the army-issue:
You should test yourself beforehand if you can pass the physical fitness tests.
http://www.military.com/military-fitness/
This is a pretty nice site with tips for passing those tests, with focus on the harder tests for special forces.
235 pounds is pretty much for 5'11".
You should maybe lose some weight before applying. Running, swimming, train push- and pull-ups.
Especially the last thing, most heavier people tend to have problems with those.

 

[Ratty Sr.]

Guys, don't gravedig TVD's thread from 2004- oh wait

 

[TorontoReign]

Damn man. You are one of the first members of this community that I really remember, from when I first started coming here, so I would be glad to help you any way I can. It takes a little courage to put yourself out there like this too, so kudos on that for starts. I could respond on all three of these, but I think # 2 will do for now.

Military Service huh? Where should I begin?

I was in for 7 years. I would not change it for anything. I became a man while in the Army. Before that I was just a kid. I joined up at 18. I wanted to prove to my Dad that I wasn't a lazy bum, and I wanted to see more of the world. I succeeded I suppose.

I have many questions about your reasons for joining first because it should not be a decision taken lightly. My life has changed dramatically because of Military Service, and it should be VERY carefully thought about. There are so many factors and I will list a few important ones before going on my little rant:

What do you want to do in the service? Infantry, Mechanic, Scout, Admin,etc.... VERY IMPORTANT CHOICE! The capital letters cannot be emphasized enough. People choosing the wrong MOS( your job) is one of the number one reasons many hate their military career. It isn't like you can change your job after you pick it. You have to wait a couple years before you can retrain for another job, so think hard about what you want to get from your experience. Some jobs are brutally hard, and others are very easy. Some jobs may require you to work for extremely long periods of time, with little to no down time, others will involve you working for short amounts of time with a lot of down time( If that makes sense)....

Example- In Iraq I was a mechanic. I pulled more 24+ hour shifts on the FOB(Base) than any other occupation, but only had to go on "Missions" a dozen times. I did experience quite a few mortars,IED's,etc.... on the missions and on the FOB , but for the majority of the deployment, I was turning wrenches like crazy. The soldiers that went out on the convoys sometimes went on missions that would vary from 2 hours or sometimes 15 hours, but when they got back from the missions they were "off work" basically. They could chill out until the next mission. Mechanics usually couldn't do that 90% of the time. Shit always breaks. My advice would be don't be a mechanic basically. I enjoyed risking my life on missions more than fixing broke shit.

My point is "Experience may vary!"

If you have any doubts about killing someone reconsider joining. It may become necessary. It may be easier if you were not so vague about your religious beliefs. Share things personally via a message if you desire. I am discreet and will not criticize you regardless of your beliefs.

If you do enlist start with a short term in the beginning. Don't go in and enlist for 6 years because you may hate it.

Don't get married if you enlist. At least 70% of Army couples get divorced, and I know the majority of the ones I saw were either fucked over, cheated on, or miserable. Of course there are exceptions, but if you are a virgin, then don't get involved with a woman while in the military. I have saw similar men get royally fucked by woman in situations like you describe.

Your age is not a big deal. I have seen older men join up and succeed very well.

Get used to 130 degree weather because you will go to the desert. If you have any qualms about going to Iraq, Iran, Korea, or Kuwait then don't join. You will go to one of those places. Iran is just a wild guess, but not beyond the realm of possibility.

If you want a recommendation for a job then pick a UAV pilot although I don't know about your vision. The Army gave me PRK eye surgery for free though, because I used to wear glasses, so don't fret on that either. UAV pilots can get paid $100,000 in the Civilian contracting jobs in Kuwait. Get the training for free, get out of the Army, and be a civilian contractor. That is just one way the Army can benefit you. If you simply desire a "Grunt" job like a Infantryman then know that your job options will be limited after you get out of the Military. Use the Army training as a stepping stone to a better career. Just a though.....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now for more specifics.... I am referring to the Army, but most branches share many similarities. Acronyms will be used as little as possible to simplify, but realize the military Is all about Acronyms! The Acronyms will drive you insane, but it can get to the point where you forget what it stands for, but automatically know what it means.

I will start by saying only the most sloth-like of individuals fail Basic Training in the Army, Air Force, or Navy, that is of course unless you wanted to join the Marines; that is a little rougher. Unless you have some kind of medical condition, or cannot handle high-pressure situations, you should be fine. You should expect to get screamed at, pushed to your limit, sleep deprived, mildly humiliated, and forced to absorb a lot of info in a short amount of time. If you get really whiny, or piss a lot of people off, blanket parties do happen just like on Full Metal Jacket. Just don't be the Gomer Pile guy and you will be fine. Basic Training is the easy part though.

After Basic you go to your AIT-where you learn your job. Basic teaches you how to be a soldier, and AIT teaches you about your specialty. If you go Infantry your Basic and AIT are combined into a longer Basic, if that makes sense. My AIT was 5 months long. I was a Self-Propelled Field Artillery Systems Mechanic! I know right. A fucking mouthful. I was trained to work on three vehicles at AIT; The M109A6 Paladin, the FAASV, and the M88 Track Recovery Vehicle. I ended up learning to operate and repair over 15 different vehicles- Not including the multiple variants. Most of what I learned was on the job training.

After your AIT you will be assigned a Duty Station. I got sent to Fort Hood, Texas. I was stationed there for a year, and we prepared to deploy to Iraq the entire year. I deployed to Iraq for another year, and came back a year later completely different. I spent the remaining years at Fort Hood before medically retiring which brings me to another thing- I have numerous medical conditions since I returned from Iraq. I had 0 before I went. Be prepared for that as well.

When you aren't deployed you will train. Training will get repetitive. You will go out in the woods, snow, desert, for long periods of time, and you will get tired of it. I spent over 3 years in training, Field ops, or being deployed. The remainder was spent doing "regular" work. We would do at least one Field Op a month. Usually Two weeks at a time. Sometimes over a month. If you don't like manual labor, don't join the military. Be prepared to do everything from picking trash off the ground, to buffing the office floors. They will always find a way to keep you occupied.


I could honestly talk about this for hours, so more specific details are required for me to elaborate. I need more info man. Sorry if I digressed any, but I tend to wander. Always glad to help. I am always lurking around NMA 24/7, so feel free to message or whatever. I also attempted to check this post for grammatical errors to the best of my abilities, so please forgive if it is a bit scattered. It is a complicated topic. Anyway....Until next time


If this is a Troll then I feel like a moron.......

Btw man. It is hard to give someone relationship advice if they are a virgin at your age. That signals a lot of flags to me.

 

[TheWesDude]

as someone whos dad was military, spent a fair bit of time overseas due to above, and having most of your friends be FOM ( family of military ), i know quite a bit.

dont sign up for a long enlistment. unless your specialty requires it. if you qualify for a specialty, but its "closed" which means its not open, find out when its scheduled to open. or pick ones that are very similar.

in the civilian world you may do 1 job in a specialty in a larger company. in a smaller company you would have more responsibilities.

think of the military as a smaller company. just because you signed up to be a network engineer or technician... in the civilian world you would not be qualified to do IA or MSCE style roles, in the military you would be trained not only on routers/switches, but also IA and MSCE stuff and even possibly more like a PBX setup.

currently im a contractor for the navy as a network engineer. the mildets ( military detachment ) where they are doing their "tour" state side and working on the network side, the mildets get to do some IA and some MSCE stuff, but never touch the routers/switches.

other branches may be different or similar.

the timing for your specialty determines a lot. if you enlist and get in a "major" class where they are taking a lot of people, there are a lot of positions you can move to. on a low enrollment class, you get what is open.

be knowledgeable about the specialty you go into at least at the basic level. while not common it is not unheard of for a network technician go to an active combat zone and even go on missions. but know that they will not be common. same with information analysist as those are the people you do not want captured by the enemy.

its not a big deal is an infantry grunt gets taken prisoner in a combat zone, but say if the guy who reads all the reports and suggest combat tactics or the guy who has passwords to all the network equipment... yea they dont want to risk you.

 

[donperkan]

U want advice here it is get your self a hooker.

At some point in a man's life masturbation starts to mess with his brain.

After relieving yourself of sexual tensions u should try to experiment with drugs, nothing serious just an occasional joint or a lsd trip.

As for alcohol you should try to stay away from that shit but i find that a green afternoon with you'r friends does wonders for your mind and your body.

Folow this advice and i promise by the time you are 30 these issues which are troubling you right now will be of no importance in your life.

This is my advice take it or leave it.

 

[Moe Canibo]

Combine the post above with my previous advice and get some direction, some goal you wanna reach. And loosen the fuck up. It sound as if your brain goes 100 mph 24/7. You don't have to overanalize every single thing that goes on inside your head and around you, every single "imp of the perverse" thought, every single awkward moment at the local store, every single microstate of mind that you're experiencing through the day. And restrain yourself from being overly self-conscious because you're doing it in a way where it turns into a sperg of self-monitoring .

 

[Courier]

Also I strongly suspect that following this route will disable the first route Romantic Relationships since I'll be too busy for that and while I know lots of service people have family waiting for them I really don't want to start something unless I can give it my best (all-or-nothing personality trait) so I'd have to wait until my service is over which if it's (at least) four years will make me 32 at which point the chance of finding someone is so much lower (and at this point it's already a lot lower) I wouldn't bother. Could I be wrong about this though?

Women will be all over you if you're in the military. Something about the uniform.

Edit: You could always just join the Coast Guard or Air Force, then you'd stay in the U.S. most of the time.

Edit: Coasties probably get the most women. A woman in every port.

 

[Brother None]

Erm.
Relationship: just go for it, there seems to be nothing valid stopping you. Companionship is a good thing, you know not what you miss. Opting not to have sex is your own choice. Go for your friend-person, it's better to take a shot than miss than not to. Besides, if you miss you have a reason to go into the military.
Military: nothing to say.
Religious vow: sounds like a bad idea.

Maybe I am capable of passing? I mean I'm 235 pounds which at 5'11" isn't overweight at all.

That is really overweight. Officially, it's obese.

 

[Richwizard]

That is really overweight.

It depends if it's flab or muscle. Flab is overweight, muscle would be pretty beefy. If it's flabby and you can pass the endurance tests, the military would sweat it off pretty quick. Military service can be hard freaking physical work, depending on the job you do. Be prepared for that, at least. It's also not a choice you can just "change your mind" about if you don't like it. There could be some serious consequences to trying to get out before your hitch is up. You have to be willing to make the commitment. Chicks dig that sort of thing too. That may be one reason they go for guys in uniform.

 

[Brother None]

I know muscle is heavy, but 235 lbs of it at 5'11 is quite a lot. That's more in the range of body building weight than how TVD describes himself ("a bit thin and somewhat muscled"), so something doesn't add up.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

ATTENTION! My response to the various posts will probably reveal more information about my predicament as more topics are brought up.

I honestly for your sake hope you're trolling.

EDIT: OT, get in shape, get out and for fuck's sake cut the "religion" charade that you keep up just because you're a shy nerd who doesn't get laid. Seriously. That's all you need to do.

Combine the post above with my previous advice and get some direction, some goal you wanna reach. And loosen the fuck up. It sound as if your brain goes 100 mph 24/7. You don't have to overanalize every single thing that goes on inside your head and around you, every single "imp of the perverse" thought, every single awkward moment at the local store, every single microstate of mind that you're experiencing through the day. And restrain yourself from being overly self-conscious because you're doing it in a way where it turns into a sperg of self-monitoring .

NO I AM NOT TROLLING.

I was worried peoples thoughts on my virginity would derail this thread.

I grew up poor without an allowance and a few gifts at birthday and Christmas. Even though I earn my own money now I can't help, but feeling very protective of my finances. Relationships are expensive so they were easy to ignore.

Also when I started working my current job at a grocery store (where I've been over seven years now) I had no particular views of sexually active people other than I hoped they weren't spreading STDs. I very quickly learned that lots of them had either too many children or had them way too young. I get them often and the bulk of their expenses are covered by government aid. I don't hold it against anyone if only to be kind, but I can see that a social norm that would make someone think so highly of sex and partnership that they don't mind the consequences. It sickens me to the point where I don't think there shouldn't be any ideas about the value of sex being so high it overrides everything else.

Also I'm a Biologist and can't help, but try to understand any and every problem as something factual.

That and a love of "complicated" past-times. I grew up playing chess and at one point could earn my way into the pro levels of tournys at what was at the time my favorite RTS.

I can't think without interpreting things so much.

On the army-issue:
You should test yourself beforehand if you can pass the physical fitness tests.
http://www.military.com/military-fitness/
This is a pretty nice site with tips for passing those tests, with focus on the harder tests for special forces.
235 pounds is pretty much for 5'11".
You should maybe lose some weight before applying. Running, swimming, train push- and pull-ups.
Especially the last thing, most heavier people tend to have problems with those.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH Hassknecht. According to that link I'm close to meeting all the basic requirements for army training with the exception of running of which I have no idea. Guess I'll have to go to a local track and test my time. I'm certain it won't be high enough, but I can raise that with regular exercise after I add it to the routine I already do.

U want advice here it is get your self a hooker.

At some point in a man's life masturbation starts to mess with his brain.

After relieving yourself of sexual tensions u should try to experiment with drugs, nothing serious just an occasional joint or a lsd trip.

As for alcohol you should try to stay away from that shit but i find that a green afternoon with you'r friends does wonders for your mind and your body.

Folow this advice and i promise by the time you are 30 these issues which are troubling you right now will be of no importance in your life.

This is my advice take it or leave it.

As said above I'm not "wanting" for sex. I just want to know how things work out to see if it's worth it.

Also although I believe people have the right to use their bodies as they please (with regards to drugs) my family has a history of people who either did nothing or did something and became addicted. None in between. I suppose I might be genetically predisposed towards addiction. I avoid drugs.

As for the other issues disappearing...well...it pains me to hear about the crap Americans go through at war to the point where I'd like to help them I just need to see if I'm capable.

Also I've justified way to much out of good will to stop considering faith as an input.

Women will be all over you if you're in the military. Something about the uniform.

Edit: You could always just join the Coast Guard or Air Force, then you'd stay in the U.S. most of the time.

Edit: Coasties probably get the most women. A woman in every port.

I suppose they're just after the money since not only do enlisted men earn a lot more, but they probably go such a long time without spending it they'd do so freely. Exactly what I should avoid.

Also although it would certainly be "safer" in the Coast Guard or Air Force I suppose the Army is what needs people the most and that's what I'd join.

dont sign up for a long enlistment. unless your specialty requires it. if you qualify for a specialty, but its "closed" which means its not open, find out when its scheduled to open. or pick ones that are very similar.

Thanks for reminding me I probably have the aptitude to do something interesting in my service, but I'm very interested in the first sentence here.

Do you get to choose to be enlisted for 4 years instead of 8 or is that done for you? I ask this, because leaving at 32 years old is nowhere near as bad as 36 with regards to finding a mate.

Damn man. You are one of the first members of this community that I really remember, from when I first started coming here, so I would be glad to help you any way I can. It takes a little courage to put yourself out there like this too, so kudos on that for starts. I could respond on all three of these, but I think # 2 will do for now.

I knew I could depend on you.

What do you want to do in the service? Infantry, Mechanic, Scout, Admin,etc.... VERY IMPORTANT CHOICE! The capital letters cannot be emphasized enough. People choosing the wrong MOS( your job) is one of the number one reasons many hate their military career. It isn't like you can change your job after you pick it. You have to wait a couple years before you can retrain for another job, so think hard about what you want to get from your experience. Some jobs are brutally hard, and others are very easy. Some jobs may require you to work for extremely long periods of time, with little to no down time, others will involve you working for short amounts of time with a lot of down time( If that makes sense)....

I have no idea. I doubt they have need of someone with a degree in Biology, but I suppose along the way I've gained a lot of technical skill and I've always been great with any sort of data management.

As long as I get to help I'll be satisfied that's my goal.

Example- In Iraq I was a mechanic. I pulled more 24+ hour shifts on the FOB(Base) than any other occupation, but only had to go on "Missions" a dozen times. I did experience quite a few mortars,IED's,etc.... on the missions and on the FOB , but for the majority of the deployment, I was turning wrenches like crazy. The soldiers that went out on the convoys sometimes went on missions that would vary from 2 hours or sometimes 15 hours, but when they got back from the missions they were "off work" basically. They could chill out until the next mission. Mechanics usually couldn't do that 90% of the time. Shit always breaks. My advice would be don't be a mechanic basically. I enjoyed risking my life on missions more than fixing broke shit.

I figured that all members had some sort of "in-combat/off-combat" job that they would routinely switch between to alleviate the stress of being in combat. It looks like I was right.

If you have any doubts about killing someone reconsider joining. It may become necessary. It may be easier if you were not so vague about your religious beliefs. Share things personally via a message if you desire. I am discreet and will not criticize you regardless of your beliefs.

I meant to bring this up, but I forgot.

Now I would consider myself Christian and although most people would say I'm deeply religious (as I'm told) I don't feel this way since I tend to be very wary of people who are deeply religious and tend to act badly towards others.

I want to believe in a perfect God who is never wrong. With that in mind I'd want to think you can't kill someone under any circumstances and if threatened just lay down and die like Jesus did.

However I could never believe in that if it weren't for the numerous historical circumstances where that belief was defended and upheld with violence.

My thinking is God would have some special exemption for a legitimate war or if he really expects people to be total pacifists that he's asking too much of his believers and no one should feel bad if they fail at it.

It took me a long time to reach that conclusion too. I actually think I'm more afraid of:

1.Getting an ally killed due to negligence on my part
2.Having to kill someone
3.Getting myself killed

I made myself get over it since I think I need to.

Your age is not a big deal. I have seen older men join up and succeed very well.

I figured that if I was too old they'd just turn be down at the enlistment place. Good to know it does work though.

Get used to 130 degree weather because you will go to the desert. If you have any qualms about going to Iraq, Iran, Korea, or Kuwait then don't join. You will go to one of those places. Iran is just a wild guess, but not beyond the realm of possibility.

I grew up in Southern California. I enjoy hot weather. A shame I'd have to wear a full body uniform in it though that's just making you sweat more.

Also I PRAY there isn't a war in Iran. That could end in a real nuclear war if China and Russia decide the USA is preventing them from having a place in the modern world.

I will start by saying only the most sloth-like of individuals fail Basic Training in the Army, Air Force, or Navy, that is of course unless you wanted to join the Marines; that is a little rougher. Unless you have some kind of medical condition, or cannot handle high-pressure situations, you should be fine. You should expect to get screamed at, pushed to your limit, sleep deprived, mildly humiliated, and forced to absorb a lot of info in a short amount of time. If you get really whiny, or piss a lot of people off, blanket parties do happen just like on Full Metal Jacket. Just don't be the Gomer Pile guy and you will be fine. Basic Training is the easy part though.

After Hassknecth's post I think I'm at or close to the physical requirements. I handle high-pressure situations just fine by trying to get by and not complaining.

I spent the remaining years at Fort Hood before medically retiring which brings me to another thing- I have numerous medical conditions since I returned from Iraq. I had 0 before I went. Be prepared for that as well

My one hope should I actually join is that I am physically and mentally capable of doing anything and everything I did before I joined after leaving as well. Given that the amount of dead/wounded in this war is a lot more in the past I figured I should be grateful. I didn't think of injuries outside of combat though.

When you aren't deployed you will train. Training will get repetitive. You will go out in the woods, snow, desert, for long periods of time, and you will get tired of it. I spent over 3 years in training, Field ops, or being deployed. The remainder was spent doing "regular" work. We would do at least one Field Op a month. Usually Two weeks at a time. Sometimes over a month. If you don't like manual labor, don't join the military. Be prepared to do everything from picking trash off the ground, to buffing the office floors. They will always find a way to keep you occupied.

My first job was a cart pusher at a Wal-mart. The whole time on my feat pushing heavy loads regardless of weather or having to clean the garbage out of them. I actually didn't mind it since it left my mind open to think and I would actually forget what I was doing (while still being physically able to do it) and the time would pass quick. Although I imagine in the military I'd be doing a lot more than eight hours a day.

I could honestly talk about this for hours, so more specific details are required for me to elaborate. I need more info man. Sorry if I digressed any, but I tend to wander. Always glad to help. I am always lurking around NMA 24/7, so feel free to message or whatever. I also attempted to check this post for grammatical errors to the best of my abilities, so please forgive if it is a bit scattered. It is a complicated topic. Anyway....Until next time Smile

NO THANK YOU! You've given not only more information than anyone else, but to a huge degree.

Btw man. It is hard to give someone relationship advice if they are a virgin at your age. That signals a lot of flags to me.

Uh...since you probably qualify for being "normal" I'd really like your opinions on what that would be regarded by someone. I've never actually asked anyone what they thought of that and "face-to-face" I probably shouldn't. There are so many reasons I person could think of though I've always wanted to know what someone would think.

Please tell me. Any of you.

I NEED TO TELL YOU ALL THIS AND I FORGOT THIS!

Outside of a response to all your posts I should have meant to write this in my first.

I grew up in the western USA on the verge of a large city. There the various races/religions/cultures were inter-mingled with little problem and I was in fact born mix-raced.

I moved to the East Coast in a rural area that's a popular destination for people moving out of NYC. The "local" people are all white and Christian whereas the people moving in were of various races and religions.

When I first moved here and the NY migration hadn't started I didn't do anything to stand out or fit in. Just kept to myself.

People couldn't tell which race I was and unlike where I used to live this mattered a lot to them. I also found out that each various social group (often outside of race) had various pre-made opinions.

-Union workers (you can tell, because they are always very showy with their clothing displaying region and job) would often accuse me of being a "job-stealing" Mexican. I'm not Mexican.
-Black people would tell me I should be ashamed since they figured I was mixed as half-white/half-black. I'm not.
-A decent proportion of white people (you know I hate the term white is sounds so over-simplified for such a diverse people) would accuse me of wanting to have a relationship with someone of their kind. This often came in the form of veiled threats. I realize since I'm not very "socially" intelligent I could be wrong, but it happened often enough over the course of a year where I could see that the stress of such a bond would probably prevent it from happening. Not that I'd specifically choose someone white or anyone for a reason like that.

I never felt bad that people hated me. I did worry though that I could lose my job if one of them were to make up some complaint and present in properly which they could if I were that much of an eyesore. I had to do something.

A handful of times people would be quickly and openly apologetic as though I deserved some sort of special treatment. Turned out those people thought I was native-American.

Not being from that group, but recognizing it was a way of avoiding people's crappy guesses I figured if I could "look" it people would leave me alone.

Thinking it would be dishonest I would never tell someone I'm native-American. However if people were to accidentally assume it's true and I say nothing that's not my fault.

I grew out my hair upon a suggestion. Within months I never received a single comment from anyone. It worked.

A few years later the people from the city started moving in. This included Muslims (both arabic and black) and others who had felt the WTC attacks personally, because they lived in New York. (I mentioned this in my first post, but didn't elaborate)

-Black people think I'm a Muslim and actually refer to me as "brother". I'm not Muslim.
-New Yorkers (they ALWAY wear Yankees sports apparel and have very obvious accents) tell me how much better this country was before people like me came here.
-My personal decision on not using drugs and not having sex caused many to think I was some extremist. I'm not.
-I once had a Jewish person (they were wearing one of those hats) rant very straight at me about how his race/religion had defeated everyone that stood against him in history and that mine would fail too. I bet he blames Christians for the holocaust too (it was a cultural issue not a religious one).

Making a long story short my personal belief in staying out of others lives and not belonging to any identifiable social group (which just drives conflict) makes me appear to most people as whatever negative assumption they want.

I have and never will speak or act out as it wouldn't help me and in fact would only give people a real reason to complain.

I live in a strange world.

Very Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

 

[.Pixote.]

Mr. The Vault Dweller could you supply a photo of yourself, the fact that various groups are confused as to your race makes me, and probably others, very curious as to your actual appearance. If you're too shy that's OK.

I have no advice I can offer sorry. Good luck man.

 

[Courier]

I suppose they're just after the money since not only do enlisted men earn a lot more, but they probably go such a long time without spending it they'd do so freely. Exactly what I should avoid.

Enlisted men don't earn that much money. Not at the lower ranks at least.

Also women don't like military men for the money. They're just very attracted to men in uniform for whatever reason. I guess the same reason men are attracted to nurses.

Also although it would certainly be "safer" in the Coast Guard or Air Force I suppose the Army is what needs people the most and that's what I'd join.

That's not why I recommended them, I recommended them because those are the two branches where you'll most likely be allowed to stay in the United States.

The Army is not very fun. I don't suggest it. The Coast Guard is the most fun and social branch of the military, although I don't know if you'd fit in very well since you don't drink alcohol. It's also the hardest to get into right now though; unless you're an ethnic minority, a female, or know someone, you might not be able to get in.

 

[Yamu]

I live in a strange world.

That much is certain. I was a moderate-liberal living in South Texas for years and I hung out with gays, wiccans, and atheists, and I didn't in all my time there run into as many vocally bigoted people as you make it sound like you deal with in the course of one week.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot to offer in the way of advice here, TVD, but here goes:

Romantic relationships: if you want one, go for it. They can be a money-sink, but it really is one of the most satisfying ways you can spend the cash as long as you've ended up with someone who wasn't a huge mistake. Just don't get caught in the trap of trying to force something that's not there-- you're a nice guy and, by your own description, something of a people-pleaser. Don't be afraid to give it a chance, but don't be afraid to write it off if it's obviously not working out. The people who can't do that are the ones that end up embittered and/or broke.

It sounds like you're kind of ambivalent on the issue of love and companionship, though. You don't make yourself out to be hurting for a relationship; though your post would strongly suggest a certain nebulous hole that needs filled in your life, one doesn't really get the strong impression that love is something you yearn for. It almost sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into it (or out of it... either way, there's a certain tepidness there that doesn't normally stem from contemplating a bit of biological programming that's right up there in strength and primacy with the need to breathe).

Most of the questions you've asked about relationships are highly circumstantial and can't really be answered by any of us here. You may find what you're looking for on the first try. One of my old friends was a strongly Christian man who had never so much as been on a date when I met him, and he was in his mid-20's. The first girl he met ended up being his first-time everything, including marriage. They've got three kids now. You may not be that lucky, though. If you want it and you're smart about it, it'll be worth the effort regardless.

The real question you haven't answered here is how you actually feel about a relationship. All considerations of who and how aside, how badly do you want one? Decide that first. It doesn't really matter what the norm is. You're already quite obviously a man who'll readily disregard the expectations of the majority.


Military Service: If you decide to join up, I'd recommend reading up on the Coast Guard. I had a roommate once who a lifer. It's a pretty nice deal-- decent pay for a military outfit with plenty of room for promotion, full military benefits-- medical, the whole nine yards. Plenty of options for travel if you decide you want to see the world, plenty of different ways to serve, and despite the fact that you wouldn't be ending up in Iraq, you'd still be performing a service for your country. The Coast Guard saves lives, guards landmarks and coastal assets as a Homeland Security function, polices coastal trade routes and keeps tons of drugs from reaching American soil each year. They're not the most glamorous outfit, but there's plenty of fun and adventure up for grabs with a relatively slim chance of killing or being killed, and you're helping your country. (Also, I don't know how you feel about our current military imbroglios and commitments, but being a Coastie would be a good way to go if you weren't fully in support of what we were doing overseas).

(Edit: Ninja'd by Courier. I didn't know about the current difficulty in joining up. That's disheartening, but I'd look into it anyway.)

A Certain Religious Vow: I wouldn't. You're capable of living your life how you want to, and to raise anything that you're already unsure of to that level will just make it so much harder to change your mind if you decide you've made a mistake.

 

[TorontoReign]

The whole no sex before marriage thing is pretty stupid to be perfectly honest. Go do a little sin a get laid if you want my relationship advice. Your post is screaming "Sexually repressed insecurity complex with religious guilt about personal feelings"...and Religion is a big problem for you in your case. Religion is not necessary to have a relationship with God. Drop the Dogma bullshit. I just felt like I should say that.

 

[aboniks]

I'd like to second pretty much everything TR said about the army, aside from the specifics on what he did and where he went, as I wasn't a mechanic, and didn't go to Iraq.

I was a Network Switching Systems Operator and Maintainer, and didn't go anywhere, although I almost got to go to Japan for 4 years, before I lost my mind.

I'm going to go ahead a quote the things he said that I would most emphasize.

it should not be a decision taken lightly.

People choosing the wrong MOS( your job) is one of the number one reasons many hate their military career.

"Experience may vary!"

If you have any doubts about killing someone reconsider joining.

Don't go in and enlist for 6 years because you may hate it.

Don't get married if you enlist.

If you have any qualms about going to Iraq, Iran, Korea, or Kuwait then don't join.

If you want a recommendation for a job then pick a UAV pilot

Use the Army training as a stepping stone to a better career.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You should expect to get screamed at, pushed to your limit, sleep deprived, mildly humiliated, and forced to absorb a lot of info in a short amount of time.

Most of what I learned was on the job training.

I have numerous medical conditions [due to military service]

Be prepared to do everything from picking trash off the ground, to buffing the office floors. They will always find a way to keep you occupied.

If there is one thing I would say, especially given the question about romance, it's that you're going to have to watch it, especially in AIT.

It's a very weird artificial social environment, and you're likely going to be in a co-ed company. There is a tendency for people to get hitched in AIT or soon afterwards, because they fail to realize that the people around them only appear to have something fundamental in common with them. They don't, not really. It just feels that way because you're all going through the same stupid shit together, and when you're not hating on your superiors or doing something strenuous/boring, you're lonely, exhausted, or homesick, or studying your ass off (if you're smart).

Think of everyone in the military as a co-worker, even though you'll be living with them.

The second most important thing to do in the military, imo, is to take advantage of EVERY opportunity the army gives you (and there are many) to walk away at the end with educational credentials in hand. A lot of your down time can be profitably spent getting free college credits if you're disciplined enough to do it.

Enough from me though.

Good luck.

 

[TorontoReign]

I endorse abonkis too VD. Everything he says is golden twinkies all around.

 

[JohnnyEgo]

You posted quite a set of questions, and got a lot of lengthy replies, all of which I did not read. I've been out of the service for a few years, I'm in the later half of my 30s, and I'm married with a kid. So my perspective is different.

You're not too old or fat to get in as you describe yourself. However, you will be quite a bit different then most of the kids you will serve with. It will be physically harder for you than for them. It will be intellectually isolating as well. You will be starting a career wherein most folks your age will have almost a decade more service time and are much more established. You will be old; weird, and slow to your fellow recruits. You will probably be in the fat squad. I am your height and weight now, and it would be difficult for me to go back to boot.

None of these challenges are insurmountable if you are dedicated. Boot is essentially an 8 week process for weeding out those who lack sufficient dedication. Eyesight won't be an obstacle for getting in. They took me with 20/200 in one eye. In some ways' virginity will be a blessing as well. Those who've never had it don't miss it. Some of those who have and refuse to rub one out will have a raging case of blue balls by week 5.

As to celibacy and virginity and relationships, don't sweat it. It will happen when it happens, and you move on from there. I've known more than a few men and women who were virgins through their 20s. When it finally does happen to you, the most earth-shattering discovery will likely be that there is nothing earth-shattering about it. However, it is something that all your theories, thoughts, and conjectures will have no real basis until you experience it. I can remember all the noble sentiments I had as a kid, which evaporated the moment I found myself unexpectedly in the process actual awkward sex with an actual girl. Such is life.

 

[aboniks]

Also, if you go army, consider being a chaplains assistant, given question number three. An army chaplain has one of the strangest congregations ever, imo. (Well, aside from a super-max prison chaplain.) You could learn quite a lot working with a chaplain, if you are serious about going on to be priest someday.