zombie survival guide

welsh

welsh

Junkmaster
Has anyone picked this up?

The Zombie Survival Guide is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now. Fully illustrated and exhaustively comprehensive, this book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behavior, the most effective defense tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain.

Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack

1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

Don’t be carefree and foolish with your most precious asset—life. This book is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now without your even knowing it. The Zombie Survival Guide offers complete protection through trusted, proven tips for safeguarding yourself and your loved ones against the living dead. It is a book that can save your life.
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What would be on your list of things to keep when the zombie's take over? ANy useful words of wisdom?

For example - "Shoot high- a bullet in the brain is worth 5 in the heart."
 
First I'd be sure to make fun of all the people who didn't have guns who were being eaten by zombies.

My small collection of firearms isn't the greatest, but it would be helpful and the surprisingly large number of crates of 7.62 ammo scattered about Town would be good to grab too.

I think I would also be compelled to hide out at the Mall, but ours is a lame single story one that would be difficult to properly barricade. So I would mostly likely head over to the county post office. Its made like a fortress and since no one uses the county post office anyways, it would be a long while before the zombies started showing up. That and I would expect to find hidden weapons caches all over the place. I mean it IS a post office.

I have alot of emergency supplies in my home, and am quite capable of living off the land (Assuming the zombies don't kill the animals, or the animals don't become zombies)
There are also several specific places I would loot in order to gather certain items I need, including a place that has a slightly used Deuce and a Half that would be great for anything, carrying supplies, survivors, and running over zombies.

None of those are really tips though so....

How about "Hook up with law enforcement or freaky survivalists"

Cops and Reservists and Guardsmen will probably have weapons and the survival training that will come in handy. But we all know the freaky survivalists are the ones who last through the movies.

Also, the same advice they give in the event of a nuclear attack. Get out of the cities!
 
I would have to say, getting out of cities is a wise idea. I peaked in the guide lastnight and they advised trying a blimp, except they are few and far between.

Malls are a bad idea. Zombies like malls and there are plenty of places in a mall for a zombie to hide out in. Don't go where zombies congregate.

As for weapons- the problem with guns is that they run out of ammo. Also you need to do the headshot thing. SO you might want to try a blunt object and whack them in the head. But if you do go with a gun, better a precise deer rifle and get them at long range. Remember, if a zombie is close enough to grab your hair, he's probably too close.

I am actually in favor of the "move it or lose it" theory. Better to stay mobile. IN all the zombie flicks it turns out to become a state of siege. Better to avoid that problem.

Do animals become zombies? Imagine a zombie alligator. That would be kind of cool.
 
I skimmed through this book when I saw it in B&N. I was really suprised to see it in Humor rather than Self-Help section. :silly: There's an entire section on documented zombie incidents thats interesting. Good Stuff.
 
Yes, actually I did some reading once on cases of vampirism. Strange.

Well when the author is the child of Mel Brooks, are you really surprised.

Currently I am looking for a marriage survival guide for a recently married couple.

But zombies are more fun.

OH, what kind of zombies-

THis is actually an interesting question. It used to be that the way to get rid of a zombie was to feed it salt. WHy? Got me, perhaps it has something to do with the salt of the earth, perhaps it's a necessary spice, maybe it counters the effects of the narcotic that voodoo uses to make zombies.

But it used to be that voodoo witchdoctors would sew the mouths of zombies closed to avoid any salt. Zombies were more like servants, I think.

I have heard that I walk with a Zombie, is the classic on this. So far my personal interest in voodoo has not revealed much about zombies, but I will keep looking.

The zombie survival guide deals primarily with the old Night of the Living Dead, stumble about and eat all you can types- typical american fat ass zombies.

I would think dealing with the Rage induced- 28 days later zombies is a whole different game. In that case all you have to do is wait them out till they starve to death. However, the Romero zombies just keep going.

So let's limit it to the traditional cannibal all-you-can-eat types. Ie- the kind of zombies that think Buffet dining is gourmet.
 
I'm also going to assume the government is collapsed, over run, or hiding in "undisclosed locations" too.

I've always wondered... say for example, a small rural community manages to destroy all the zombies in the area. Would more zombies work there way towards them? Would they be hunting out the people? Would zombies who remembered people lived there remember as zombies and shuffle over for fresh brains? Or would the zombies just wander around once the immediate supply of living meat was gone?

If not, I think the long term thinking survivalist would find such an isolated rural community, even if it is currently overrun, take steps to purge and protect it, and start growing food and such. Maybe thats hard for people living in cities to see, but I live in amongst rolling hills and mountain ranges, so its not hard to picture a place where a small group of people could live, assuming the zombies wouldn't be hunting them down.

And the key to marriage survival is alot like surviving zombies. Get out of the cities, be armed at all times, and never, EVER let them get close enough to pull your hair.

Ah what am I saying, I like the hair pulling.
 
if zombies rise, i'm fucked
no guns at all, just a couple of knives and an axe...

but you asked for survival tips? never underestimate the power of a blender or a lawnmower :p

hehe Braindead rocks :)
 
Firearms is a must for long range killing. Sure you can dice some heads but that implies you have a sharp and durable blade in the hands of a person who knows how to use it.

Average Joe: Attempts decapitation without a good blade or skill. Weapon ends up getting lodged into the spine and he gets overwhelmed.

Swordsman: Given a good durable blade with proper technique, instant blending/decapitation machine. Mass numbers still remain a problem.

Zombie Types

Well cheetah zombies then we're fucked. In the time it takes for one person to headshot one or two zombies, three or more will be in your face. Can't outrun the bastards cause there....well......cheetah zombies.

Classic zombies or just callem them the real zombies

Know what your doing and safety in numbers. Commandeer a ship with enough people, weapons and ammunition to turn it into a fortress. Get on land every now and then and form raiding parties for food. If no ship is available, head for isolated places and such where zombies are few and far in between (if you follow the noise belief then they can't follow it to you or if you follow the memory belief they won't come to you cause not a lot of people know about some isolated farmhouse somewhere in the boonies).
 
Great topic!

Of course with headshots being a must a rifle would be perfect...wouldnt want to get close cause then you could get mobbed...of course its irrelevant if you go to a secluded rural house and get on top.

I would try going out to sea...I dont think they move quickly enough to swim and if they walked the ocean bottom they'd be eaten by detritus feeder's.

What about fire? It may be slow, but once you kill enough zombies you could have yourself a flame barrier...just dont mind the smell.

I have a pistol, axe, and a weedwacker...not much...

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
 
Rama Stryfe said:
Damn Zombies... I wonder if they can swim?
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Yes, actually this is raised in the guide. Assume zombies can swim. IN fact in the historical case studies it mentions zombies getting washed onto isolated islands. SO if a zombie can get into the ocean- lets say because it was a surfer in a past life- than the zombie could land on an island. If he lands at night and gets into a house and eats the people, well then you got infestation.

So living on an island is no help.

That said, I would think that a zombie that spends too much time in the water- well, there won't be much left.

But if fish eat zombies, do they become zombie fish? Zombie sharks?

WIth regard to flame- there is a problem. Let's say you get surrounded by a large group of zombies and all you've got is molotov cocktails. By the time the flame consumes the zombies, but by the time it works, not only are they eating your ass, but your ass is roasted.

So that leaves flame throwers- get them at a distance. But how likely are you to find a flamethrower?
 
you just fill up an extremely expensive* water gun with a selected liquid and change the barrel with a metal one, tape a lighter in front of the barrel and you got yourself a flamethrower :D not the safest type though...
 
Sinc i'm in brazil, i think slums would be a great place to find firepower, particularly in rio, those Druglords pack quite a punch, .30 machineguns, rocket launchers, more AK's then you can count.... but since those places are so overly populated and claustrophobic, these caches would be freaking hard to get, quite like a secret dungeon of some sort....

Maybe i could "borrow" this:
ciclone.gif

I can only imagine what it would do to soft zombie flesh, if it does this to steel:
ouropreto5.jpg

Of course, i could also use my team's bot, but it has a bad tendency of stoping working in less than 3 minutes, not good when you're talking about zombies...
 
I would imagine that you are more likely to blow yourself up in that process.

WHich might be better then getting eaten.

But then do you really want to give the zombies a cooked meal? Given the alternatives, better to stick with a strong club and whack those bastards in the head.
 
Perhaps Kahgans "flame thrower" blue prints are not the best, but is indeed easy to create a safe and reliable flame thrower if you have the know how and a few parts, although it would be rather short range. I would go with explosives though, thats one thing you rarely see being used against zombies. While fragmentary grenades may not be the best they would not be without effect, incendiary grenades would have the same effect of flame throwers coupled with an explosive charge. Both can also be made with items found commonly in a home.
 
Let's see... SKS with 12 rounds of ammunition (need to get more...), M7 bayonet (very sharp bastard), tactical wakizashi, military jacket (mmm, pockets), vest with lots of pockets, backpacks, gasmask (for if the zombies use gas...) , and of course, a Winchester BB gun. You know that's going to kick some zombie ass. Well, it works on ghouls anyway. The wakizashi is shorter than a standard katana and is basically made for lopping things like heads off so I'm all set there.

As Commissar Lauren says, it's not hard to make a flamethrower and other assorted munitions. You can even make cheap and simple landmines out of some wood, nails, and shotgun shells. As to the flamethrower... An oversized squirt gun isn't going to work very well but a real flamethrower is essentially a gas tanke with certain pipe fitings and hoses. Pretty simple.

One thing that's always bugged me about these movies is that they run around with shotguns... Which means ammo that is large, short ranged, and has a limited rate of fire. If all you have to do is shoot heads, I'd want something like an M1928 Thompson with a drum magazine. Lots of head popping without reloading and if they crowd in on you, you can literally mow their heads off. Not to mention you could severely assault a zombie with it considering the heavy construction of the Thompson. - Colt

Edit: Forgot about this, man I love the Internet: How Flamethrowers Work
 
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